Cindy Sheehan Needs a Good Girlfriend - Update!

[UPDATE: Proving that (a) she has not read my letter from July 10, and (b) she will not return to reality without a fight, Sheehan announced on August 9 that she is running for Congress against Pelosi. I'd wish her luck if I thought it would help this political snowball survive hell.]

I have several Good Girlfriends. You know. The kind who won’t let me go out in an ugly dress, removes the brown lipstick from my hand before I can put it on and tells me when I have something stuck in my teeth. In other words, though no team of experts could be manage it 100% of the time, I have a group of women whom I trust to prevent me from making an ass of myself.

Cindy Sheehan officially announced on July 10 that, unless Representative Nancy Pelosi introduces Articles of Impeachment against President Bush before July 23, Sheehan will run in 2008 as an Independent for the Congressional seat currently held by Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi's district (Congressional District 8) is basically comprised of the City of San Francisco.

Any Good Girlfriend would not allow this to happen. And I can’t let a sister in need go without, so below is my Good Girlfriend letter to Cindy Sheehan:

Dear Cindy,

Your old-ish pal Melissa here, just writing to let you know that you are well into your 16th minute of fame and it doesn’t look good. It was bad enough when, in January 2006, you threatened to run against Senator Dianne Feinstein if she didn’t prevent the Senate confirmation of Samuel Alito’s Supreme Court appointment. Remember how you dropped out a couple of weeks later? Awkward!

You know, I want to impeach the President just as much as the next homo sapien, but watching you make threats to Nancy Pelosi with an electoral challenge is like watching Sanjaya trying to win American Idol: kind of interesting for a second, but ultimately just embarrassing and sad. I guess what I am trying to say is (and I mean this in the kindest way possible): Nancy Pelosi will totally kick your ass. In an election. In a bar fight. In a game of Texas Hold ‘Em. She’s a 20-year Congressional Representative who wins her seat by voter percentages usually reserved for elections where there is only one candidate.

Sweetie, what happened to your priorities? You left your the anti-war movement in May because you were upset that the Democrats didn’t deliver on promises to end the war in Iraq. The good news is: the subject you professed to be most concerned about when you said, “I, as an American and as the mother of a hero, pledge to do what I can as a citizen to end the occupation of Iraq," is gaining steam! Republicans are running from the President like he’s been on a plane with Andrew Speaker and there is an increased momentum to bring the troops home some time next year.

So what's up with the current impeachment crusade? On this subject, allow me to do a little Georgia public high school math on the current party breakdown of the legislative branch: there are 233 Democrats and 202 Republicans in the House, and 51 Democrats (including Independents Lieberman and Sanders) and 49 Republicans in the Senate. The procedure for impeachment requires a simple majority in the House of Representatives but for it to be effective, the impeachment motion has to get a 2/3 majority in the Senate. So, the best that could happen is that the House would vote for the Articles of Impeachment.  Then the Prez would blow his nose with it like it was a Subpoena from either the House or Senate Judiciary Committee. [Update: Don't forget that, as one astute reader, el Greco, pointed out in the Comments section - if Bush were impeached, Cheney would become President.  Arguably, Cheney is already in charge. But I somehow feel better with the Village Idiot standing between me and the Town Bully.]

In other words, asking Representative Pelosi to bring up Articles of Impeachment either means that you want the Democrats to get another smackdown in the polls for wasting a bunch of time blustering about something that is unlikely to pass and has zero chance of being meaningful or that you have become a delusional attention whore. Either way, you need to take a deep breath and re-focus on what's important.

Cindy, when you quit the vigil in Crawford, TX, you said you were disgusted that the peace movement “often puts egos above peace and human life.” As your Good Girlfriend, I must tell you that hypocrisy doesn't suit you at all. Your "bring the troops home" garb is much more flattering. Leave it on, honey.

Hugs and Kisses,

Melissa

Comments

[Greg]

lighter lit...because this post rocks! :-)

[el Greco]

Not to mention one other little fact. If Bush is impeached, who becomes President?

[el Greco]

Now that Chris Daly is not running for SF Mayor, I, for one, am heartened to see Cindy take on Nancy. Uh, Cindy, just remember, Nancy's people are Italian, the same folks that started the Mafia and boy, oh, boy, do they know how to take care of their opponents. As in: "an offer you can't refuse".

[Tristan]

amen to having good girlfriends that keep you out of trouble...but nothing beats having a good stylist and both of these ladies need some help!

[Anna]

I think Cindy's math is a product of the California public school system, as is her western civ understanding of her chances, unless this is all about ego & media.

[Jim McMahon]

Whatever happened to just doing the right thing. Oh I forgot... only suckers do the right thing.

Hey Melissa you reek of condescension... but I bet your arms are real toned from carrying all that water

JimmyMac - NY