Brother Brown

Constant Readers,

Some weeks ago, this Event Junkie was at the Chamber of Commerce Citybeat luncheon where all the attendees got free copies of Willie Brown's new book, "Basic Brown: My Life and Our Times." I highly recommend you pick up a copy. For free, if possible.

I learned a lot by reading this book. For example, I should "Avoid plaid blazers" (p. 41), and did you know that Osama bin Laden lived in San Francisco for a few months during the early 70's? (p. 326) All true! As I read about his life, a feeling of recognition swept over me...I felt like I knew him...or maybe knew someone very much like him...yes, I was sure of it...but who? And then it struck me - it was ME! Willie and I were totally separated at birth. Don't believe me? Here are exhibits 1-10 to make my case.

1. We Both Protect Our Power

In his book, Willie ends the first Chapter with this ominous sentence, "Sometimes I’ve had to make it very clear that when it comes to maintaining power, I’m not kidding." (p.15) Then you turn the page and in big letters is: "Chapter Two: Willie Brown is NOT kidding." An example of this power protection prowess was displayed when Willie arranged for the defeat of an insignificant bill in the Assembly to punish an Assemblyman who had cooperated with the FBI in an investigation involving corruption in the state capitol. "What I did that day was later described as the most stunning display of raw power by a speaker. It also makes a good tale of how Speaker Brown could run his house." (p.191) Because, "the FBI had to be shown, you don’t be fuckin’ around in my house." (p.197)

I can totally relate, because this one time, someone left a comment on this very blog that was racist. So I removed it. I was like, Melissa is NOT kidding! You don't be fuckin' around on my blog!

2. We Are Badasses

Willie refers to Machiavelli (whom he quotes) as "my mentor" (p.18) and admits that "[r]uthlessness is part of being a master pol." (p.288) Then he shows us his badassitude by relaying the story of him ripping an Arts Commissioner a new one: "Stanlee, you're a genius, but you're also my commissioner, and as such you don’t think unless I tell you you can think." (p.258) When he is relegated to a crappy office in Sacramento after losing a bid to be the Assembly speaker, Willie writes, "I deserved to be in a fucking small office because when I got the chance I'd do the same thing to those who crossed me." (p.118)

Check it out: my friend left her makeup bag in a hotel room and I called and completely sassed the housekeeping manager. Really let her have it for lying about not finding the bag. My friend found the bag later in her luggage, and I felt bad about having been so rude. But you should have seen me in the moment giving that lady a hard time - I was on fire!

3. We Are The Center of Attention

"When I walk into a party or public dinner or other social gathering, instantly all the attention is focused on me." (p.30) On dating: "There's no room in one political career for two ambitious people. In Willie Brown, Inc., there’s only room for Willie Brown." (p.32)

I totally understand.  When I walk into a room, all eyes are focused on me, too! Because I have spilled something on my shirt or am wearing blue shoes with a black dress. But don't try to copy Melissa, Inc. style. That's just how I roll.   

4. We Give Speeches To Our Dates

Willie's pre-date speech: "Now, let's get this straight. There's gonna be everybody wanting to take a picture of me…I may have to leave you at one table – I'll introduce you to friends there, and they'll look after you. But you may not see me for another half an hour. And I may dance with fifteen people before I can get around to dancing with you. But I love to dance, and we will eventually." (p.31)

Willie's post-date speech: "Because we go out, because we date, because we sleep together, that doesn't mean there's supposed to be anything permanent. Do not expect it. Do not demand it." (p.33)

My pre-date speech: "I don't eat meat or fish. Except sometimes I'll eat fish if I am in the right mood. But not shellfish. Unless its Chinese food, then a little shellfish. And I don't eat mushrooms because...wait, where are you going.....?"

5. We Both Possess Mythic Greatness

Willie uses the term "Ayatollah" as a synonym for his position as speaker of the California State Assembly (p.16) and claims his "superknowledge" of all legislation before him led to resentment by the bills' sponsors who obviously knew less about any bill than Willie. (p.114) He also raised money for mortals who had to actually run an election campaign; he didn't need the money himself, you see, because "San Francisco voters were never going to reject slick Willie Brown, their political pride and joy..." (p.58) Once, after pointing out to a room of Assembly members the fact that it takes more than 29 votes (out of 80) to unseat the speaker of the Assembly, "You could...see what was going on in the minds of other members there. They were thinking: Willie Brown is an awfully talented man." (p.141)

Once while I was in law school, a bunch of us were getting drunk at Chuck's and my friend Jake and I got into a contest to see who knows more lyrics to 90's rap songs. From what I remember, I wow-ed the room with my lyrical superknowledge and totally showed him who was from the ATL, baby! (Well, actually a suburb of Atlanta. But I grew up closer to Atlanta than Jake. He's Canadian.)

6. Neither Of Us Can Be Bought

Willie spends about 65% of the book explaining how impervious he is to corruption. In the picture section, one of the captions under a picture reads, "Former speaker Jesse Unruh...and I are surrounded by lobbyists whose liquor we are no doubt drinking and whose wishes we are defying.” (p.20, photos)

Do I drink peoples' liquor and defy their wishes? You betcha! Which may explain why I am single. 

7. We Are Cool

Arriving at a meeting of sad Assembly members who thought their candidate for speaker was sure to be defeated, Willie describes the scene, "the mood in the room was...black, but not cool black the way I was." (p.140) And after making the 90 mile drive to Sacramento from San Francisco in about an hour to attend a meeting, Willie showed Ed Rollins that he was, "a serious parlayer, player and Porche driver." (p.284)

I am a 26-year-old who spends all my free time writing a blog. Enough said.

8. We Love Fun Words

Throughout the book, words kept jumping out at me: auguries (p.246), dys-dynamic (p.264), and boodle (p.241), just to name a few. I, too, love funky words! Among the words you have seen me use on this blog are: craptastic, Mistermayor, and douchebag (much to my Mom's chagrin) - Oh hey, "chagrin" is another good one!

9. We Have The Same Opinions

Willie drops little nuggets of opinion as he talks about various issues, and I found myself nodding in agreement whist reading the book.  He says that Harriet Miers dresses like a "corporate nun," (p.39) that Condoleezza Rice is a sellout, (p.39) and that Proposition 13 is "stupid-ass." (p.124) Yes, yes and yes.

10. We Both Blame Genetics

When explaining why he invested his money in cars, Willie says, "I’m a black guy; I didn’t know anything about Wall Street." (p.180) I hear you, Willie! I can't do math because I am a female. And not Asian. And from Georgia. And right-handed. And only nerds are good at math. And me and my twin brother Willie are the opposite of nerds. (See number 7.)

--Melissa

Comments

[vansmack]

Is it appropriate to take back a free book? 'Cause I think we want all three copies you "procured" back at this point.

[Greg]

He's one hell of a sci fi writer. His alternative history stuff ranks up there with the greats.

Didn't see the twinnage with you and WB at first but now that I read this I'm sure I'll be gettiing you two confused at events. Just be sure to call each other and dress the same for some double trouble twin fun!

[Sweet Melissa]

Vansmack- I earned them fair and square by batting my eyelashes.

Greg - you are right - the b.s. factor in this book is completely off the charts.

[tashab]

Wait, 26? I thought somewhere you posted you were 29. How old are you, actually?

[l'Italiana]

Come on, don't be afraid of your age...We all know what it is - just go to your B-D post in case you need to jog your memory (this is a new type of scavenger hunt)!!! Thank God for friends like me...I must say, you do get better as you get older. Don't forget that. Ever. (Or you'll really get in a funk.)

[Cracker]

You have to start talking about yourself in the third person if you really want the total WLB effect.

[sfwillie]

Thanks for exploring that sewer for us. You have a strong stomach.