My list of New Year’s resolutions has been the same since about sixth grade: Stop cursing so much, lay off the Skittles and find a way to meet Patrick Dempsey.
I bring up the depressing fact that I never seem to keep a damn one of them because they are resolutions — that is, they are statements of sentiment that don’t amount to much without action.
The Board of Supervisors doesn’t need the prospect of a new year to consider a resolution; they do it all the time. Some resolutions are necessary for a functioning government. Accepting a grant, transferring a liquor license and approving certain contracts are all done using a resolution. The board also uses resolutions to make statements of sentiment that, though often for good causes, are about as useful as my annual resolutions.
In 2009, the board passed a total of 515 resolutions.
Here are some of my favorites:
On sports: The board congratulated Mike Singletary and Jed York for being named 49ers coach and team president, respectively. In another resolution, supervisors urged us to “vote for Pablo Sandoval to represent the Giants and San Francisco at the 2009 Major League Baseball All-Star Game.” (Attention Board of Supervisors: The wonks that read board resolutions are not the same people who vote on MLB All-Stars.)
On foreign policy: The Republic of San Francisco commended Iranian voters, denounced the coup d’etat in Honduras, supported Irish unification and urged withdrawal of military forces from Afghanistan.
City Hall calendar: Did you know that March 16-20 was Mediation Week? It was! Also in March, we celebrated the Persian New Year Holiday of Nowruz; April 24 was Armenian Genocide Commemoration Day; and June through August was Soda Free Summer.
On restaurants: The board commended a bar called Moby Dick on 30 years of operation and service, and thanked city restaurants that have stopped serving foie gras.
Other governments: The board still likes to weigh in on state and federal government decisions, passing more than 20 resolutions directed at politicians in Sacramento and Washington, D.C. In this area, our love letters appear to be worse than futile — they may be the kiss of death. Only three of our 24 requests have become reality.
Most recently, the board passed a resolution “Urging the United States to Enter into a Strong International Treaty to Address Climate Change.” That they wasted paper making a futile statement in favor of the environment sure as hell gave this Skittle-eating Patrick Dempsey fan a good chuckle.
They have way too much time on their hands. Time to back to a part time BOS. It worked well for years. It would avoid a lot of the nonsense that goes on at Silly Hall.
Posted by: Howard Epstein | December 31, 2009 at 14:43
The Republic of San Francisco just sounds so ... legit. I don't know why that is. It just does. What's more crazy-sounding? The People's Republic of San Francisco? The Confederacy of Districts? (Too P.J. O'Rourke?) The Commonwealth of Hippies? The Union of San Francisco Socialists? I'll keep mulling over this very important issue.
Posted by: generic | December 31, 2009 at 17:11
You crack me up with your 80s references in your posts! You act like someone 10 years older than you really are. Buy a telescope, rent a hot chick for the school year? Not many people remember PD from that era.
Posted by: Jack | January 01, 2010 at 15:44
Generic: I did struggle with the title
There's always the "Democratic People's Republic" of (China/the Congo) but that didn't seem to fit; by all means, resolve this issue and I'll use your suggested title
Jack: I own Can't Buy Me Love on VHS - Bless You for believing me to be so young ;)
Posted by: Melissa Griffin | January 02, 2010 at 11:11