Suggested Resolutions for the Board and Mistermayor

David Chiu: Resolve to get control of board meetings. Supervisors - most notably Chris Daly - talk, run around and leave in the middle of meetings like there’s a substitute teacher in charge. Michelle Pfeiffer in "Dangerous Minds" can be your inspiration.

Mistermayor: Resolve to enjoy your lame duck-ness. With no election looming, you can pretty much say and do anything you want. Let ‘er rip, sir!

Chris Daly: You are the gift that keeps on giving and shouldn’t change a thing.

John Avalos: Resolve to get some lozenges. I swear it sounds like you’ve had a sore throat since 2008.

Ross Mirkarimi and David Campos: Resolve to talk for no more than a total of one hour per meeting. You can divide the time between yourselves as you see fit. The sheer force of the yawns in the room when y’all start your extended speechifying could start a tidal wave.

Michela Alioto-Pier: Resolve to get me invited to a party at the Getty’s. I know you read this. You can’t ignore me forever.

Sean Elsbernd: Resolve to pick a day and vote “yes” on everything. With a progressive majority at the board, your constant “no” votes are futile and predictable. Let’s spice things up, shall we? Also, declaring a “yes day” will confuse everyone and you will be asked to write a memoir. (See Sophie Maxwell.)

Eric Mar: Resolve to do something. Anything. I appreciate that you officially named the Richmond District the Richmond District, and that you arranged for the board to commemorate the fortieth anniversary of the takeover of Alcatraz. But when it comes to passing (or opposing) actual laws, I get the feeling you’re on “screen saver.”

Carmen Chu: Resolve to speak up. For a while, you were voicing your opinion at every meeting. After a year of your silence, I thought you had lost a bet or something, but now you’re back to being quiet. You should resume talking and maybe even demonstrate an emotion or two.

Bevan Dufty: Resolve to accept and love your position as the Sandra Day O’Connor of the Board of Supervisors. As the magical eighth vote needed to override any mayoral veto (neither Alioto-Pier, Chu nor Elsbernd are likely to break ranks) your position on major legislation is critical. Yet you shrugged when confronted with this fact. Why you aren’t carted into chambers on a golden chariot pulled by interested parties is beyond me.

Sophie Maxwell: Resolve to write a memoir. Please. The algorithm you employ to determine your position on a given issue needs to be revealed at some point, and I think an autobiography would be the perfect place. Perhaps it will involve complex political analysis. It may also involve coin flipping.

Comments

[Matt Stewart]

Dear Sweetie Melissa Griffin with the glitter in her hair,

1.) I’ve noticed that you generally keep your personal political opinions out of what you write about. But, due to some passive-aggressive hints, I happily suspect that you are a pathologically, ragingly, zealous progressive. Though I doubt you would stand for this sort of thing, I have to ask: Does the Examiner (which is pretty much exclusively dependent on the whims of that rightwing Jesus freak, Phillip Anschutz) encourage -- both overtly and covertly -- a culture of self-censorship regarding all things progressive?

2.) Do you still practice law or are you exclusively a writer?

3.) If I were on Elsbernd’s side, I would vote affirmative on progressive measures just to fuck with the progressives’ minds. In fact, if he got those two conservative nitwits, Alioto-Pier and Chu, to tag along he might very well confuse the dumber progressive Board members enough to get them to vote against their own laws.

4.) I've made the same complaint about Eric Mar. Do you think he's depressed with his job?

[Melissa Griffin]

Matt,

Your comments always make me smile!

To answer your questions:

1) The Examiner has never overtly nor covertly influenced what I write. I am very, very grateful to them for that. That I try to stay away from being labeled "moderate" or "progressive" (while being honest about what I think) is purely my own doing.

2) You looking for representation?

3) Good point!

4) There may be something personal going on there with Mar, and I'm very sympathetic. But it has been a whole year now. Time to step it up.

Have a great New Year, my dear.

[Fredo]

Thanks for a great year of commentary and analysis, Melissa!

[generic]

LOVE these kinds of posts. Love love love. I lol'd on BART.

I think the cure for Eric Mar's depression is for him (as supervisor for the Farallon Islands) to send more time raising Farallon-based issues. I have no clue what those issues might be, but I like to take every opportunity I can to remind everyone he's supervisor of the Farallon Islands.

[Matt Stewart]

Sweetie Melissa,

Your answer to my first question prompts me to give you a little unsolicited advice (and it’s something I have given some thought to in the past). I find your writings to be excellent in terms of translating legalese into more understandable terms and there are very few widely-circulated writers who are capable of this.

However, I think it would be worth both your and your readers’ while to tell us more about what you think on a personal level. I’m not saying you have to define yourself ideologically but I think that your columns would be far more interesting and easier to relate to if you were to reveal more of your individual reactions to the emotionally and politically charged issues you write about. Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t still offer objective legal analysis.